dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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