he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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