No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
