Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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