Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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