I didn't shave. On purpose
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
