Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
