Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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