I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
