so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
