this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
