There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
