He had one of those small greek statue penises
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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