Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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