Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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