i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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