i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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