Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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