Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
