Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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