First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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