On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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