Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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