Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
