I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
