Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
