I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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