those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
