you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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