if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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