I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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