You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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