Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
PANTIES FOUND
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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