So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
