if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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