And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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