Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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