I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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