bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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