I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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