I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
