I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
