Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
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if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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