I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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