I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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