Got a toothbrush?
one two three fourrrrnication!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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