Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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