We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
