When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I touched a dick in church today
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
