I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
