I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize