I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
