tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
