Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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