I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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