trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
