Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
