mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
