no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
