Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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